Ah, the Relay Server is only half of the service! If I understand correctly from the documentation I skimmed, and my existing knowledge of streaming systems, the relay server is just there to handle relaying the video stream from one device to another one in the worst-case-scenario that they can’t reach each other to form a direct client-to-client connection.
So probably your relay server has never been used.
But that’s just for media, and just for bad network configurations. The actual part that coordinates who can see which devices, etc, and sets up the media connections, is the other server, which it sounds like you’re not running. So your services are currently still using the public server to find each other and initiate contact!



In the link you posted to the original question, it has a section on self hosting. That link takes you here where they say there are two servers.
Also, the documentation for Self Hosting basically starts by saying there are two servers.
I’m not sure how you self hosted it without hearing about it 😛