The central portion of a boxing class involves punching the heavy bag according to a combination of numbers called out by the coach. We each reproduce the punches that correspond to the numbers. It goes quite fast. I find that when I am trying to perform a complicated boxing combination I can feel the neurons in my brain struggling and striving. I know this sounds crazy. But, as we saw earlier, that boundary between inside and outside is not so simple.
The more I know about Parkinson’s disease, the more I see it as holding oneself upright against a current that never ceases to pull. The books tell me to pay conscious, continual attention to actions like walking, writing, brushing my teeth if I want to inhibit or delay the failure of neurons in the brain. It is hard to live within constant striving. It is hard to live within the word ‘degenerative’, which means that, however I strive, I do not win.
Of course everyone is striving all their life. And none of us will win against mortality. But there is a difference between striving to (say) learn ancient Greek or do the vacuuming and striving to pay microscopic attention to every instant of a physical act. Studying his own way of walking, Pepper analysed it into nine segments of action and six targets of attention for each step he takes. The man was intense.
A great meditation on the personal experience of collapse.